Modesty

Checking the Checklist There are many practices derived from the Bible that are in and of themselves useful. Things can become a little more delicate when we make what seems to be good a blueprint into a list of dos and don’ts. Certain issues are not spelled out clearly in scripture, but there are general guidelines. One such issue is the subject of women and modesty. First let me say modestly shouldn’t only be a woman’s consideration. But the Bible does direct its instruction towards women. Therefore, it makes sense speaking in general terms, appealing to women as it pertains to modesty. There was once a checklist that was circulated pervasively among the group of churches, I was part of. It was written by the wife a leader of the entire ministry. She was a wonderful example to women. There has never been one doubt as to her motivation how and why she wrote the checklist. Her standing among the women and entire ministry was worthy of emulation and respect. So, what’s the problem? The problem is that this checklist became distributed throughout the ministry. It was promoted as the standard for women. Now we’re beginning to walk a tightrope. Her husband regularly held this checklist up or spoke about it often. For him to press this with such passion and authority, most of the listeners and constituents would assume everyone should adhere exactly to how it was written. I remember local churches have meetings and talking about how to examine yourself step by step through the checklist. The moms trained their daughters to grow up doing the same. This checklist was extremely detailed. Its intent was to evaluate every part of a woman’s body and examine herself in the mirror or by someone else. There was even talk about how women should wear a seatbelt in the car. The problem with this type of promotion and permeation throughout the movement is it was presented as the holy grail how women in the churches should adhere to this inspection list. There were even husbands examining their wives prior to going out to make sure they were holding up the standard. There was an appropriate way we should dress according to the list. What happened to this wonderful document a woman of God had written? It was pushed as what the bible taught but there were no specific details given in Scripture. Do I think modesty should be a consideration for women? Of course. But this type of practice is nothing but a ball and chain.

I want you to know something else. The woman who wrote this checklist was not the one who sought it to be circulated and pushed from the highest levels of leadership. The leaders did that. Because of their agenda, there were modesty seminars held for various churches. This is how the members could be formally indoctrinated. The franchise mentality from the top would ensure churches would uphold the standard. When a checklist like this is circulated as the standard, how does this affect women at large? Some may receive it as a means of grace. However, what about women who think differently? Or what about women who are new Christians? How about people who are not Christians coming to see what this Jesus is all about?’ Then there’s the woman who wants to be modest but does not want to walk through this level of detail thinking it is degrading. Today women and girls are taught to be seductive and revealing. Young teens and their moms are flaunting themselves everywhere. Now one of these women or daughters has come to your church checking things out. They are dressed the same way they dress everywhere they go. A well-meaning member gives her a “free” copy of the checklist. Or she’s invited to lunch so someone can “serve” by helping her see how immodest she was. She whips out the checklist. See where this is going? This is one example as to why a group of churches in general has a hard time growing numerically. Imagine visiting one of these churches for the first time. The checklist is distributed or talked about. Can you imagine the hurdle that has just been put in front of someone? For them to fit in they need to jump this very high standard immediately. This makes God out to be a harsh taskmaster. Here’s a touchy one. My wife is beautiful. The way I am wired as a man I like her to look very attractive when we go out together. My version of attractive is not quite following the checklist. Does that make her immodest and me having ungodly motives? I don’t think so. Everyone should have their own version of what modestly looks like. Because following a list is not heartfelt, it’s heavy and burdensome. A checklist on modesty can be helpful to many. But it can also be a burden for women too great to bear. If this list had been written and merely added to a resource section in the ministry, it seems this could have avoided a great deal of weight and condemnation for women. Women could have consulted with the list if they chose and applied whatever they felt helpful. But as with so many examples of “this is the way we do it,” the checklist sadly became another example rather than the exception. It wouldn’t matter what list was being circulated or promoted. Accountability, modesty, how to be a man, etc. Most of the time the point isn’t the content of the list. It is the content of a leader’s heart. Discovering modesty should be a personal pursuit. A list can by helpful, but never thrown on the backs of people. Otherwise, a checklist can be nothing more than a pharisaical pursuit.